Schedule A
Full Benefits
The short, plus two cold packs.
$68 first-batch price
Everything you need, assuming you have a freezer. Two packs, so one can be in the freezer while the other's in your bag.
Reserve Full BenefitsStandard issue for the hot room
Sit down on the job.
Linen sauna shorts with a hidden pocket for a cold pack. They look like shorts. That was the entire negotiation.
$68 with two cold packs
$54 without First-batch prices.
No payment today. We hold your size and email you when there's a real date. We're aiming for summer 2027.
Hidden cold pocket,
as negotiated
as negotiated
Drawn from the v0.1 pattern. Prototype render. Final product may differ.
Drawn from the v0.1 pattern. Prototype render. Final product may differ.
The agreement, in full.
As negotiatedThey are shorts.
Running-short cut, 5" inseam, side splits, cotton drawcord. A linen shell and a cotton liner against your skin. Clean, and they only ever go to the sauna.
There is a pocket.
On the front of the liner, behind fabric. It holds a soft cold pack about 4.5" x 4", with wool felt and reflective film between the pack and the room.
Nobody has to know.
The design brief is one line: it reads as shorts from three feet away. We'll hold the first prototype to that and show you the picture either way.
Your gym shorts have seen enough.
They've done squats, a bus seat and the floor of your car. Then you wore them into a small hot room and sat down next to someone. The membership has noticed.
Your sauna requires clothes, so bring clothes that have only ever been to the sauna. Leave the sweaty kit in your locker. It's earned the rest.
See the Standard IssueSchedule of benefits.
Dues: $68. No meetings. There's a bench. Same short either way, with the pocket either way. We sell both because we honestly don't know how many people want the cold, and you'd be telling us.
Schedule B
Basic Coverage
The short only. Pocket included, no packs.
$54 first-batch price
For members who want clean linen shorts and don't care about the cold, or who'd like to bring their own. The pocket just sits there, minding its business.
Reserve Basic Coverage- Pick a setup and a size, and leave your email. No card, no charge.
- We sew a prototype, test it and post what we find, good or bad.
- When there's a real date and a way to pay, we write to you. You can say no.
From the supply room, if you want them
Supplemental Cold Two extra cold packs. $18
The Lunch Pail Wool felt sleeve for carrying a frozen pack in your gym bag. $24
Objections raised at the last meeting.
There was no meeting. These came in anyway.
“I will look ridiculous.”
You are sitting in a very hot closet with strangers, on purpose. That ship has sailed. These are designed to read as ordinary shorts from three feet away, and nobody has to know what's in the pocket. That's a goal until the prototype is on a body in a room. When it is, we'll post the picture, flattering or not.
“Why not wrap a pack in a towel?”
It's free and it's a perfectly good idea, right up until you stand up. What you're paying for is a pocket: it stays put, it stays hidden, and the goal is that nothing drips on the bench. If the towel works for you, the Local has no quarrel with the towel.
“Why not my regular shorts?”
You can. They've already done legs, a bus seat and the floor of your car. Most gym shorts are polyester. Ours are a linen shell and a cotton liner against your skin, and they only go to one place, so they stay clean. Per Article VII, the gym kit stays in your locker. It has done enough.
“Does it stay cold?”
We don't know yet. Alex once took a bare cold pack into a hot room, informally, and it went warm in about 15 minutes at about 200°. That's the problem, and the wool felt and reflective film are the plan. The goal is a full round of about 15 to 20 minutes. It's a goal. We test next and publish what happens, including if it doesn't.
“What about the bench?”
A bench is a shared workplace. The pack lives inside a pocket inside a short, so the goal is no drips on it, which we'll confirm in testing. Either way, sit on a towel. All of you, on the towel. That one isn't a joke and it's in the bylaws.
“Finland does not do this.”
Finland doesn't need a Local. Your gym has a dress code. If you can go without clothes where you sauna, go without, with our blessing, and keep your $68.
“Isn't this an ice diaper?”
No. We filed a grievance.
The official scorecard.
Question
Pack in a towel
The shorts you lifted in
The Standard Issue
What it costs
About free
Paid for, in several ways
$68 with packs, $54 without
Stays put when you stand up
Until you stand up
Nothing to stay put
The design goal
Allowed where clothes are required
Ask your front desk. Bring a witness.
Yes, sadly
They're shorts. Check your sauna's rules.
Clean
Depends on the towel
You know the answer
Only goes one place
Tested in a sauna
By you
By you, at length
Not yet. Next.
We can't tell you it helps. We can tell you it's cold.
The membership has been informed.
Claims on file: none. This is clothing. It doesn't treat, prevent or cure anything, and we haven't tested it in a sauna yet. What we have is one informal experiment: Alex took a bare cold pack into a room at about 200°, and it was warm in about 15 minutes.
That's the problem. The felt and film in the pocket are the attempt at fixing it. The goal is a full round of about 15 to 20 minutes. It's a goal.
How cold
Minutes in the room
Awaiting data
Posted in the hall.
The bylaws are a joke. They are also correct. Read them before you touch the ladle.
Status of the work.
Nothing has been sewn. One pattern exists, version 0.1. We're telling you because you'd find out, and because a date on a page is a promise, so we won't print one until we can keep it.
We're aiming for summer 2027. We'll confirm a real date before we take any money.
See the Standard IssueTime card
The Standard Issue
| Job | Status |
|---|---|
| Pattern drafted | Done |
| First prototype | Next |
| Cold test | Next |
| Fit test | Next |
| Factory quote | Not started |
| Deposits open | Not started |
Sign your card.
It's free and it takes a first name. You'll be a probationary member, pending first sweat. There's no member number, because we don't keep track.
Alex. Boulder, Colorado.
Mechanical engineer and product developer. Fell for sauna at University College Dublin, going every day after training. Now goes at a gym in Boulder, where clothes are required. Former unofficial burpee mile world record holder, and yes, "unofficial" is doing some work there.
Owns a hat that says "Law Zero: Proceed accordingly." The Bylaws started there.
Read the Steward's memoBulletins from the hall.
Prototype pictures, cold test results including the bad ones, and a real date when there is one. No more than that. Not ready to hold a pair? This is the other door.
Received. You'll hear from us when there's something real to report.
Sit down on the job.
Reserve a pair. No payment today.